Christmas in the Heart

I love Christmas movies, and one of the lines in a particular movie really struck a chord with me:

“If Christmas is in the heart, then Christmas is in the air.”

It’s so easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  There are gifts to purchase, cookies to bake, cards to mail, family to visit, and many other things that involve the holidays.  And it can be a wonderful thing, or a stressful thing, depending upon whether or not Christmas is in your heart.

When you think of the holidays, do you become overwhelmed with the list of things to do, or do you become overwhelmed with excitement for Christmas and what it means?

Here is a quick list of practicals to help keep Christmas in your heart:

* Start Early – If you’re just now starting, don’t fret.  Just start now!  Plan one thing to conquer each day.  Don’t overwhelm yourself by looking at the whole list of things to do, pick one and focus on that. Home from work early tonight? Maybe you could put up that garland you meant to do yesterday.

* Plan Ahead – I keep a list of all the people that I buy for each year, and as ideas pop into my head or they mention something in conversation, I write it down. By the time I’m ready to hit the sales, I already know what I’m going to buy, that way it takes away the stress of trying to think of a gift at the last minute.

* Freeze! – I use my freezer so much I should change my name to Princess Elsa.  I freeze everything!  Mashed potatoes for Christmas dinner? I make a huge batch and freeze it!  Cookie dough?  I made a ton of it on a quiet weekend and it’s sitting in my freezer ready to be cut into cute little Christmas shapes! If you can make it, you can freeze it!  And it will relieve the stress of having to make everything “right now!”

* Bought it? Wrap It. – Bought a gift? Awesome. Wrap it as soon as you get home.  I become very grouchy when I have to spend an entire night wrapping gifts when I know there are other things that need to get done.

* Remember what you’re celebrating – you know that saying, “keep Christ in Christmas?” Remember what it is that we are actually celebrating. Sure, the gifts, the goodies and the decorations are magical…but nothing surpasses the true magic of the reason behind the season. 

Keep Christmas in your heart, so that everyone around you can feel Christmas in the air!

xoxo

(This article was originally written by Jennifer Osler to be featured on GirlfriendsPray.org)

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"But My Teacher Said..."

I am one of those moms. The moms who side with the teacher.

My daughter made it all the way through elementary school without any problems.  She is an excellent student and she loves school.  Kindergarten through 5^th grade was a breeze; I became friends with every one of her teachers. We’re sushi buddies, Facebook friends and concert goers.  And then we entered 6^th grade.  Right away my daughter began enjoying her new teacher, and I wasn’t surprised because she’s liked every teacher she’s ever had.  If she was happy, I was happy.

Then one day she came home, looking somewhat confused.

“Mama, my teacher said that the story of Jonah and the whale is impossible.”

I was thankful that she waited until after I swallowed my iced tea because it would’ve come shooting out of my mouth.  I asked how the topic came up in the classroom, and she told me, “we’re learning about mythology.”

“What else did your teacher say about it?”

“Well, he also said that we weren’t created by some God, but that we were made from one molecule and we evolved. He said that God is a part of mythology.”

Whoa whoa whoa….someone get the principal on the phone.  I was so angry at the teacher for saying something like this to his entire classroom of 11 year old kids.

I had two options:

1)     Get angry and let my daughter know I'm angry.

2)     See this an opportunity to discover her own convictions.

Although the first option was the natural and most appealing at the time, I knew it wasn't the right choice. By getting angry I would only be teaching my daughter that we should get angry with anyone who doesn't agree with our beliefs. Talk about setting her up for severe disappointment because the truth is that she will encounter people like her teacher throughout her lifetime.

So I began our conversation with this: "what do you think to be true?" She bravely gave me an honest answer, "well, some of the stuff in the bible does seem to be, uh, a little farfetched." ("Farfetched," huh? That was definitely a new word from my 11 year old's mouth...wonder where it came from?)

I felt myself beginning to pray before I even realized what I was doing. I needed wisdom and I needed God to use His words because I was pretty sure I would mess it up with words of my own. My daughter and I spent the next hour dissecting God's word and talking about her convictions, not mine.

Here's some practicals for when this happens:

1)     don't get angry. All throughout our lives our faith will be challenged. I'm sure you can think of many instances in which you've encountered a similar situation and there you are, left to come up with answers and defend your beliefs. Anger never helps. It merely translates that if the other person disagrees, we are prepared to enter battle. And that is not something we want to teach our children.

2)     Ask for an honest answer, and be loving when you receive it. My daughter was very honest with me as she shared with me some areas of the bible that were difficult for her to grasp. If we're being honest, there's been a time or two when I've read something and thought, "really?" We all know whose whispers those are in our ears. Doubt = the enemy. He wants us to doubt the validity of God's word. But the truth is that when we have questions, it means that our hearts and our minds are trying to understand God's word and that is never a bad thing! Questions create curiosity and curiosity creates seeking answers, which leads us to deeper studies in God's word. So, amen! Bring on the questions!

3)     When have you seen God work? This was my favorite part of our conversation. I asked my daughter about the times she knew that God was working in her life. "How have you seen God?" Oh man, she came up with an astounding list. Even down to the night her hamster escaped from its cage (sneaky little thing); it had been missing all day long - nobody could find this Houdini of rodents. When I tucked her in that night, we prayed that the hamster would make its way home. Wouldn't you know it - not even 2 seconds after praying, that hamster was just sitting out in the middle of the hallway! Just sitting there like, "oh hey, I've been here the whole time." To my daughter, that was proof of God listening to our prayers. When your child comes to you with doubt, have him/her recall all the ways they have seen God work in their lives or the lives of others.

4)     Pray. God's wisdom is incredible. And He will gladly pour it onto you. All we have to do is ask for it. Don't enter into a conversation like this with your child (or any person seeking answers) without first going to God in prayer.

By the end of our conversation, my daughter realized that her convictions about God were hers. Not mine, not our pastor's, not her friends. Hers. And now she is ready to encounter more people like her teacher because she knows that all she needs to do is go back to God.

I ended our conversation with this little bitty for her to think about..."it takes more faith to believe in nothing than to believe in something." She smiled and said, "he doesn't even realize how faithful he really is."

xoxo

(This article was originally written by Jennifer Osler and featured on GirlfriendsPray.org)

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Broken but Untouched

Today I was broken.  It was just one of those days when I felt about as worthy as gum stuck to my shoe. I felt emotionally challenged and spiritually disconnected.  It was just not a good day.

Over a year ago I walked through an art fair. I had never been to one and it was a day when I was feeling exactly this way: emotionally drained and spiritually exhausted.  The very first booth that I walked by was the booth of a photographer whose work featured old barns, cornfields, and other country sights I just don’t get to see here in southern California. As I was skimming through some of his prints, I was falling in love with all the various colors in each photo.  The photographer approached me and asked if I was enjoying my time at the fair.  I answered that I had never been to an art fair before and that his booth was my first stop.  He began to tell me that he loves to travel across the country, looking for things like these battered barns, and photographing them.  He said, “these old things are run down because nobody needs them anymore, but there is still so much beauty in each one.”  Then he pulled out a photo that had been tucked away in a pile.  He said, “I was driving down the road when I saw this red barn.  I could tell that it had been abandoned for a while. I walked all around it, shooting pictures from various angles and I noticed this! Inside the window is a picture of Jesus. You can see in the picture that someone, kids I’m assuming, was using the barn as target practice, but that painting of Jesus was totally intact. Not a single hole in that painting.  Look! Even the window was part of target practice. But that painting was perfect. I had to photograph it.”  

I held that picture in my hand and before I knew it, I was asking him how much he was asking in price for his work.  I could hear his smile as he said, “That’s the one, huh?”  I didn’t even look up at him, I stared at the photo and said, “this is the one.”  I paid the photographer, I left his booth and looked towards the rest of the booths lined up for the street fair, then I walked to my car and went home.

I found what I was supposed to get.

I will never forget that day because I remember feeling completely broken.  There were many factors that led up to this feeling, but to sum it up: I was broken, and spiritually disconnected. 

I felt like the old barn.  Worn down, abandoned, still standing, but pierced with injury. But inside the heart of the old barn was Jesus. Untouched, still standing, and perfect.  Sometimes it’s so easy to forget who is in the heart of my soul. On the days that I am feeling worn down, abandoned and pierced with injury, there is a perfect love within me.

We all have those days.  Nothing particular needs to happen to cause days when we feel like the old barn.  Sometimes we just feel that way.  Other times there is a specific cause behind our emotional challenge or spiritual disconnect.  No matter the cause, we all have felt those days. Everyone, regardless of sex, age or lifestyle, experiences these days.  Bad days are not prejudice, everyone has them. But not everyone has a perfect love within them to get them through the bad days.

You do.  I do.

As a Christian, we know the go-to scriptures when we’re having a bad day:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

And many more go-to scriptures that we easily hand out when someone is having a bad day, including ourselves.  They are all incredible scriptures and I am so thankful for each and every one.  I love knowing that God wanted to make sure we knew and understood that He is here for us on our bad days.

But sometimes, those go-to scriptures aren’t enough.  Whether it’s because we know them so well or because it’s the 834th time we’ve heard them, sometimes we read it or say it with the “yeah yeah yeah” kind of attitude.  I know I’m guilty of that.  

That is when we desperately need to talk to God.  When His word is not enough to satisfy our soul, we need to go directly to the author.

The day that I went to the fair was preceded by days when I simply refused to go to God. I couldn’t form words, I couldn’t gather prayer, I just couldn’t go there.  But the beautiful thing about God is that He doesn’t need us to speak.  He knows our hearts so intimately that when the words are difficult to form, He shapes them for us.  God knew what I needed that day.  He knew that I need the visual reminder that He is within me.

And He knows exactly what you need, too.

Like that painting inside the worn, abandoned and injured barn, Jesus is perfect in you. He is untouched, unharmed and standing firm. You and I may be worn on the outside, but His perfect love remains unharmed inside of our hearts.  

Don’t get discouraged when you are feeling emotionally drained and spiritually challenged…you have a perfect painting of love, strength and grace that is standing firm for you.  And even if you can't find the words, He is sitting so close to you, that He hears each thought behind every beat of your heart.  

You need only to be still and listen...

xoxo

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We Have a Winner!

A winner has been selected!!

Using RandomPicker.com, each subscriber's email address was manually entered (by me, of course), and a winner was chosen by random draw.

I have emailed the winner:

Me***********o@*****.com

So if you received an email from me,

CONGRATULATIONS!

I love having giveaways and it may be something we do more often!

New blog posts are coming - have you been checking out GirlfriendsPray.org?

I am a regular contributor for their website, and I have a heartfelt blog post coming up...

It will be published on their site on October 19th.

Make sure to check it out!

Congratulations, again, to our winner!

And thank you, each of you, for your continued love and support!

Xoxo

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Giveaway!

This is so exciting and it's something just for my email subscribers!  I have done a couple of giveaways on my Facebook page and it has been very fun - I love being able to give gifts to you because I am so appreciative and grateful for your support and encouragement!

So, if you are reading this blog post in your email - you are already entered in the giveaway!  If you'd like to share my blog with your friends and tell them about the giveaway, here are the simple rules:

1) Subscribe to my blog (subscription box is on the right side of the blog page. Make sure you and your friends confirm your subscription to the blog!)

2) Wait to find out who will be the lucky winner!

For this giveaway, I am sending a copy of one of my favorite books, "Open My Eyes, Lord" by Erica Kim, a journal and a Starbucks gift card!  It's perfect material for some quality "you" time.  

I am going to randomly select a winner on Saturday, October 17th and will announce the winner on the blog - so make sure to check your emails and the blog! 

Thank you so much for your support - without you, I couldn't keep going and pushing through - your encouragement is what inspires me!

xoxo

(and now for the small print: Winner will be selected at random via RandomPicker.com. Contest is open to US residents only. Blogger.com, Starbucks, and the author/publisher of "Open My Eyes, Lord" are not affiliated with this giveaway.  If the winner does not contact me within 48 hours of announcement, a new winner will be selected at random)

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Who is Lord?

I remember the day of my baptism 14 years ago, how can anyone forget a day like that?  I remember confessing for all to hear that Jesus is Lord.  I said those words with a deep conviction that nothing would come before the Lord.  I knew in my heart that I would never place a job, a person, a hobby or anything else above Jesus because he was the Lord of my life.  And then life happened.

“Lord” is a word that we use so frequently that sometimes the power behind its meaning is lost.  It’s so easy to talk about the Lord.  But why do we call him “Lord?”

Lord: someone or something having power, authority or influence.

Well, I would definitely agree that our Lord is exactly that. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Creator, and the King.  He is LORD.  Everything we do should be centered around Him.  That’s what it means to make Him the Lord of our lives.  Our God should have the power, authority and influence on every aspect of our lives.

Is he the Lord of your life?

Or is something or someone else holding lordship?

What or who influences your decision making?

Ok, let me ask you this: do you think your husband is Lord? 

I’m confident that you answered that question just like I did: no way.

And then I had to re-evaluate my answer.  Without realizing it, I made my husband Lord of my life.  

“That’s not a bad thing, girl!” Is that what you’re thinking?  Because that’s what I would be thinking.

God is our Lord.  We proclaimed that, we confessed that and we believe that.

Our husbands come next…after our Lord.

But here is what I noticed happening in my life:  I started declining church events. I would save my time with God for later if my husband wanted me to make breakfast. My moods were based on my husband’s moods. My joy was dependent on my husband. My confidence was lacking because I needed validation from my husband. My quiet time with God was rushed because my husband wanted to go for a walk. 

Notice a pattern?

My husband had power, authority and influence over my decision making.  Maybe he realized it, maybe he didn’t.  But one thing is for sure: he became the Lord of my life.

This is where it’s tough, especially for spiritually single women.  Where is the boundary between honoring our husbands and making him Lord? 

Every time I would allow my husband to influence my spiritual decision making, I justified it like this: “but I’m being a respectful wife, I am respecting my husband and his needs,” which was absolutely true and not necessarily bad.  But at what cost?  

Who is my Lord?

Jesus tells us: “…seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:33-34

Let me place emphasis on the first two words of that scripture: seek first.  What are we supposed to seek first? His kingdom and his righteousness.  And God will take care of the rest.  But we have to seek Him first and wholeheartedly.  

Know what held me back from seeking first God’s kingdom and his righteousness?  Fear.  I was afraid to tell my husband that I was going to a bible study.  I was afraid to tell my husband that the first Saturday of every month is our women’s bible talk.  I was afraid to tell my husband that I would love to make breakfast for him after my time with God. I was afraid to tell my husband that I’d rather go to church on a Tuesday night than out to dinner with him.  Fear is what made my husband Lord of my life.

The refreshing thing about this is God’s promise immediately after asking us to seek Him first: “do not worry.”  God blesses our lives when our decisions are based on Him.  I remember when I made the decision to tell my husband that I was going to our women’s bible talk, regardless of the fact that he had been working the last 4 days away from home and he would be coming home that morning. I was so scared, I knew an argument was coming, but I trusted that God would bless my decision to seek his kingdom first.  And wouldn’t you know it, not only was my husband okay with me going, but now he knows that women’s bible talk is just something that I do each month.  It’s no longer something I need to fear.  God delivered me because I kept Him as the Lord of my life when I made that decision.

There is a fine boundary between respecting the needs of our husbands and making them the Lord of our lives. But by seeking first God’s kingdom and his righteousness, we are ultimately meeting the needs of our husbands because our husbands need God. Going after God first and allowing his presence and authority to influence our decisions make us better wives...and what man doesn’t want that? 

Go after God first. Seek him fiercely, seek him earnestly and seek him wholeheartedly.

Don’t give in to fear. You are a daughter before you are a wife. And your Father wants to give you the desires of your heart. Trust Him and allow Him to be the only Lord of your life.

Xoxo

(This article was originally written by Jennifer Osler and featured on GirlfriendsPray.org)

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Connected Hearts

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…” Hebrews 10:24-25

Relationships are a vital part of our walk with God. Throughout the bible, God puts emphasis on relationships. His relationship with us, our relationship with our spiritual family, our relationship with our physical family, relationships with sinners, relationships between husbands and wives, children and parents, truly, He left no relationship untouched.

Why do you think He did that?  What’s the big deal about relationships with each other?  Can’t we do this on our own?

No way, sister.  We cannot do this on our own and God knew that. Every conversion story in the bible involves at least one other person! The new testament talks about how the Christians met together, studied God’s word together and met each other’s needs. Keep in mind that the story that did involve only one person (Adam) ended with a partner by his side. God knew then that it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 1:15-25). So from the beginning of time, God has emphasized the importance of relationships.

Why? Because we need each other.

Why are you here today? What brought you to this blog?

You want inspiration. You need encouragement. You want to know that you are not alone as you walk through this life. You want someone to pray with, someone who understands what you are going through. You want to connect.

At least, that's the reason I'm here. I know there are many women out there who face the same struggles that I do, and I need the encouragement of their faith.

Every time that I have tried to tackle something on my own, I fail. Every time! You may think to yourself, “not me, girl. I’ve been doing this alone for years.” While that may be true to some degree (for instance, I’ve been doing the spiritual walk alone in my marriage for years), it’s not entirely true.

I would not be as faithful if it weren’t for my sisters in Christ. 

I would not be as fruitful if it weren’t for my church family.

I would not continue to persevere if it weren’t for my spiritual family.

I need them.  I need to stay connected to them.

I am constantly calling or texting my girlfriends on the daily. If I run into a bump with my husband, I reach out to a sister in Christ. A situation with my pre-teen daughter (Lord help all the moms of pre-teen girls), I’m on the phone with a sister: “help me out. How do I handle this?”

And why do I call a sister in Christ before I call a friend of the world?

Because she has my best interest in mind. She’s running the same race that I am. She will help me stay on the straight and narrow path.

I’ve completed the Los Angeles Marathon twice. Both times I ran the race with my best friend, who also is my sister in Christ (can I get an amen?). The races were brutal. Our legs were killing us, our bodies did not appreciate our effort and we were exhausted. But when we saw that finish line drawing near, we grabbed each other’s hand and we ran, with whatever energy we had left, across that finish line. Despite the hurt and desire to quit several times throughout the race, we both knew that we wouldn’t allow the other to stop. We were going to finish this together. And we did. Hand in hand. 

You are in the marathon of your spiritual life. 

Find your racing partner and run towards your crown.

Reach out. Connect. And keep going.

The race is much easier when you have a cheerleader by your side telling you,

“Keep going, don’t stop. I’m right here and we’re in this together.”

Xoxo

(This article was originally written by Jennifer Osler and featured as a guest blog post on GirlfriendsPray.org)

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On the Grid!

                                       

I am excited to let you know that I have been invited by BibleGateway.com to be a member of their Blogger Grid!

BibleGateway is a division of HarperCollins Christian Publishing and is the most visited Christian website in the world. You have most likely visited BibleGateway.com at some point in time, whether it was seeking a particular scripture or wanting to read scripture in a different version (for example, NIV, King James, Message, Living Bible, etc). 

My blog first had to be reviewed by BibleGateway administrators to make sure that my content is scripturally based and truthful according to God's word.  My blog is now amongst a group of incredible authors whose goal is to share God's word all over the world. So exciting!

As a member of BibleGateway's Blogger Grid, now when I reference scriptures in my posts you will be able to click a link that will direct you to BibleGateway's online bible where you can read the scripture in its entirety and surrounding scripture.

I am so excited to be a part of something like this and I have YOU to thank for it!

Xoxo

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Window to His Love

Not to brag, but this is the view from my bedroom window. This view is the reason my husband and I put all of our pennies towards buying our house. 

Imagine covering up this window.  And not with sheer curtains that still let you peek through to see the evening sky, but with dark, heavy, dust covered curtains that were purchased back in 1963. What a waste of a window if we kept it covered all the time. We would be missing out on seeing God.

Our hearts and our lives are like my bedroom window. There is so much beauty to be seen, but only if the curtains are pulled back so that God’s handiwork can be admired.

Sisters, we are the window to God’s love.  Every day, we encounter people who are admiring the view (girl, I know you’re pretty, but that’s not the view I’m talking about). 

Can they see God’s handiwork?  Or is it covered by dark, heavy curtains?

Each morning we when wake up to begin a new day, we start with a window that has been opened for us. Throughout the day we are the ones that determine what others will see.  

Let’s take a second to look at that picture above.

It’s beautiful. There is so much to see. The color of the sky, the shape of the clouds, the sun’s rays shining through. I can look at that picture and see God’s handiwork. I don’t need to hear anything to know that God created that beautiful scene. I’m sure there were birds chirping and possibly the rustle of a gentle breeze. But even then, those sounds would be beautiful. 

That is how God wants to be represented by each of us.  The view of His handiwork in us should look like kind hearts and joyful living. People should be able to see His spirit in our actions and our love for others. The sounds our observers hear should match the gentleness of birds chirping or the low rustle of leaves of a tree.  Our words should be soft to the ear and soothing to the soul.

We are the window to God’s love. What do others view in you?

It’s easy to take something as beautiful as that view from my bedroom window and cover it was dark, heavy shades.  The same principal holds true with the view of our lives. A bad day at work, someone cut you off on the freeway, your dinner burned in the oven, you can’t find your keys, your dog ate your shoe…anything can happen throughout the day that has the potential to draw the curtains over God’s spirit in us.

Each day we rise with a beautiful view of God’s spirit in our hearts. By choosing how we live and respond to situations, we are determining the view that others see. 

I keep my bedroom window curtains open from sun up to sun down. The view is just too beautiful and I am anxious to see God’s beauty because it’s different every day. He surprises me with variations of color and winds that move the clouds. It would be a shame to cover my bedroom window because I am the one who is missing out on His beauty.

Be the window to God’s love. Let the world view His spirit in you. As people move throughout the day, let them interact with the most beautiful of God’s creations: you.

Within your soul is the most beautiful view. You are the most gorgeous sunset. You are the gentleness of a cool breeze. You are the promise of new day filled with hope.

You are God’s handiwork, and He wants everyone to see what He has made.

xoxo

(This article was originally written by Jennifer Osler and featured as a guest blog post on GirlfriendsPray.org)

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5 Things Not to Say to Your Husband

Please allow me to first say that I came up with this list of things not to say to your husband because I have said them all to my husband.

Here's what not to say to your beloved unbeliever:

1. "You should pray about it."

Yes. This is the answer to every conflict we encounter in our lives. You know that, I know that, even our husbands know that. But for our sweet unbelieving husbands, this is not the answer to their conflict. Men are natural born thinkers, and logic is sometimes the only answer they can accept. The act of prayer is a very vulnerable and very intimate thing. We pour our hearts, our hopes, our requests, our dreams, and our heartbreak to a God we cannot see or hear. We cry out seeking answers, yet the answer may not come right away. There is a lot of trust involved with prayer. And for a man who struggles with believing, let alone trusting, God, the idea of prayer may be extremely difficult.

Even Christian husbands may struggle with this answer when they come to you with an exposed heart. 

Say this instead: "I will pray for you." Let him know that you understand and that you hear what is on his heart, but rather than just telling him to pray, you will do it for him. There is something so comforting in knowing that somebody is praying for you. And, without giving him a command to do so, you have made him aware that praying is the right answer.

2. "Things happen for a reason"

My husband sees a lot of sad and horrifying things as a firefighter. He often comes home and tries to make sense of these things. I usually answered him with, "things happen for a reason." Thirteen years ago he lost his father to a heart attack, and it's still a daily struggle for him. I used to say, "things happen for a reason." Am I right to say that? I am. Of course I know that God has a plan for everything; however, I am able to put trust in that because I trust God. But my husband doesn't trust God yet. To my husband, when I say "things happen for a reason," it feels like I am brushing off his feelings, like "eh, things happen."

Our husbands are exposed to bad news every day. News broadcasts are filled with stories of daily heartbreak and evil. Our husbands, if they do not know God, may interpret our statement as cliche, something church-goers say to make themselves feel better about the bad things that happen. Your husband doesn't have trust in God or His plan like you do.

Say this instead: "I wish I knew why these things happen." It's true. We wish we knew. We wish we had some insight into God's plan. But we don't, and we aren't supposed to know. God tells us that our thoughts are not his thoughts, neither are our ways his ways (Isaiah 55:8). We aren't supposed to know. But sharing this statement with your husband allows him to see that you are trying to understand why things happen, it's not just him.

3. "Everyone was looking for you!"

Your husband wasn't at church, again. Some of the guys were asking about your husband: "where's your man? He still doesn't want to come out? How's he doing? Tell him I said hello." I find it so encouraging when someone asks me about my husband. It lets me know that they look forward to seeing him and that they are hoping (like me) that one day he will come to church. Well, this phrase is not exactly encouraging to a husband who doesn't regularly attend church. It sounds like we took attendance and everyone turned around to notice that he wasn't there...again. 

Say this instead: "[friend's name] asked how you've been doing, he said to say hello." Who doesn't love to know that someone asked about our wellbeing? It makes us feel loved...and who doesn't love that? 

4. "I assumed you wouldn't want to go"

Yikes. There was an event at church which I assumed my husband would not want to attend. It was being held on a Saturday night and was a banquet style dinner. I figured, "it's still church, he won't want to go."  So I didn't pay for him to attend. I was wrong. And he was so hurt that I didn't even think to ask him whether or not he would like to attend. I'm pretty sure I had that deer in the headlights look on my face because I was so confused. "I assumed you wouldn't want to go," I sheepishly admitted. 

General rule of thumb: don't ever assume. Anything. Ever. By assuming he doesn't want to attend church or a special event, it makes him feel as though you could care less whether or not he joined you. And, as I was told by my husband, it made him feel as though I didn't have a need for him, in addition to not feeling cosidered. 

Say this instead: "honey, I was wondering if you would like to join me..." Approaching him with this gentle consideration will make him feel loved, respected and wanted. Of course you want your husband to be with you, whether it's church or a social event. If you assume that his answer will automatically be "no," you miss out on the chance that he might say "yes." 

5. "God comes first"

As He should. But your husband doesn't understand that. The only thing he sees is someone (or something) taking over his spot in your life. Your husband wants to be your #1 priority. He doesn't want to share you or your time with anyone else. He wants all of your heart, all of your attention and all of your admiration. He doesn't understand that by keeping God as priority you will ultimately be making your husband your top priority, as well.

I am a much better wife when I am connected to God. I wouldn't call myself the best wife, but I'm definitely a much-improved version when I'm close to God. My husband used to tempt me with promised shopping sprees after breakfast...if I didn't go to church. He used to get angry as I would get ready for church, making snide comments and withholding love from me. I used to fight back and say things like "God comes first" with total attitude. With that remark, my husband began to build resentment towards God and church.

Say this instead: "I am a better wife when I'm close to God." Amen - your husband will be like, 'honey, let me walk you to the car, don't forget your bible!' There is a big difference in saying "God comes first" (he hears "you are not as important") and "I want to be a better wife for you" (he feels important). Our men don't yet understand that by keeping God our top priority we are called higher as women, as wives, as mothers, as sisters, daughters and friends. Helping him to understand one of the reasons God needs to be number one in your life is to be a better wife for him will help him appreciate God and what God is doing in both of your lives.

___________________________

I've said enough of the wrong things to make a list of the top 100 things not to say to your husband. Our words need to be filled with the love, respect and patience for our husbands. They may know about God, but they only see Him through us.

In other words, use the right words.

Xoxo

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