Monday, July 28, 2014

Everyone's looking at me...

Most women are insecure. Many women are not. I fall into the category of insecure women and one of the whispers I hear in my ear is: "everyone's looking at you."

There are a lot of Sunday mornings where I feel that everyone is looking at me.  Now, some Sunday mornings I know they're looking at me but that's because I'm literally running, in my heels, into the church building late after dropping off my son in his kid's class.  It's impossible to sneak in when you're late and service started (*tip: get to church early).

But, aside from my late days, there are times when I hear those little voices: "they're all looking at you." They're thinking, "poor Jenn. All by herself." They must be saying, "something's wrong at home since her husband won't come to church." Sometimes I bet they wonder what I'm doing wrong as a wife that I haven't yet won my husband over to God.

You know who's been convincing me of that? Not my church family.  Not the visitors at church.  Not the pastor.  Ladies, we are in a daily spiritual battle.  So guess who's using our insecurity against us - yep.  That guy.  Satan himself (jerk).  He wants us to walk into church every Sunday afraid that we look pathetic.  He whispers lies to us that everyone is staring, pointing their fingers at the woman who is not married to a Christian man.  He wants to keep your mind distracted so that you are not focused on worshipping God.

I don't know about you, but I certainly fall victim to his antagonizing.  Sometimes I forget how very real the spiritual battle is!  But 1 Peter 5:8 reminds us:

"Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

Catch that?  "Your enemy."  He prowls around, waiting to take us down.  So what does he do?  He feeds our insecurities..."everyone's looking at you, Jenn...everyone's wondering where your husband is...they're looking to see if you're wearing your wedding ring...they're all looking..." and Satan waits until we are weak and then he pounces.  He's that much of a coward!!  He knows that with God's spirit and His power, he doesn't stand a chance, so he waits until we are low and then he kicks while we're down.

But read on!  Look at what 1 Peter 5:9 says:

"Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."

Woohoo!!  Right there, ladies!  You are not alone in this battle!  God tells us to resist our enemy and his taunting, stand firm in faith and know that you are not alone in this battle.  You are not the only spiritually single woman out there.  Hi, have we met?  I am your spiritually single sister and I personally know a group of amazing women who are just like you and I.

And do you know what I have learned?
Yes. They are looking at you.  They are talking about you.
But they are not thinking what Satan wants you to think.

They look at you with admiration.
They look at you and ponder your strength.
They whisper, "God is with her."
They pray for you.

They are looking at you, sweet sister.  But it's not in pity.  It's not in sympathy.  It's in admiration of your FAITH, your trust in God and your determination to be a Godly wife.

Let them go, girl.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Spiritually what?! But I'm married!

I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 14 years.  I’ve also been involved with another, uh, guy, for the past 13 years. Balancing these two relationships has proven to be difficult.  Each wants my whole heart and neither wants to be in second place or in competition with the other. 

My husband and I have been together for a total of 19 years. We started dating during our sophomore year in high school and married 3 years after graduation.  Only two weeks after we were married, I was introduced to the other love of my life and almost immediately, I could tell that there was going to be some competition between the two.

Am I having a secret love affair?  No.  My husband knows about my other love and vice versa. 
But, I do have a love story with both.

On Oct. 7th, 2000, I married my husband.  
On July 8th, 2001, I married God.

My journey to God was easy and natural. I was studying the bible with friends who were teaching me the truths about His grace and love.  My husband was following along, studying with male friends and we were both baptized into Christ on the same day!  What a glorious day!

And then, something happened. Only a few months later, my husband left his relationship with God.  You could say that my husband filed for divorce from God and then he signed, stamped and sealed the definitive “It’s Over” on their relationship.

Now here I am. Caught in the middle of the two greatest loves of my life.
For the last 13 years, I have been Spiritually Single…and yet happily married.

Welcome to my blog! I’m new to this whole thing, so bear with me.  When looking online for comforting scripture, I found that there wasn’t much out there for the spiritually single woman (women married to non-believers).

Welcome to the journey of our lives, where God calls us high to be humble, gentle and quiet in spirit (1 Peter 3:4) so as to win our husbands over (1 Peter 3:1).