It's impossible...

Those are our hands. My hand and my husband's hand. We were in bed and he was sound asleep, otherwise I'm sure he would've made a comment about me taking a picture of our hands. But the picture of this moment meant something to me. It was gentle, it was soft and it was comfortable. There was no awkward posing or a photographer saying, "now, gently grab ahold of his hand and make it look peaceful." It was natural. It was us. It's our routine. I'm not much of a cuddler, but I like to hold his hand as I fall asleep. 

Have you seen that really cute internet photo with the fun fact about otters?  If not, here it is...if you have seen it, well, here it is again:

I mean, seriously, is that not the cutest thing you've ever seen or heard? They hold hands so they don't drift apart. The one on the left is definitely me: shorter body, little bit round, chin looks like it's obstructing the airway; while the one on the right is representative of my husband: longer, leaner and looks chill, like "I got your hand, honey, you can stretch out and relax."  

But joking aside, how precious is this fact? These cute little critters care for each other so much, they don't want to face the risk of losing one another. 

If you're a parent, you can understand this. If you don't have children, you were once a child and can still understand this. Moms force their children to hold their hands as they walk across the street.  Moms make their children hold onto the shopping cart in the store as they walk up and down aisles. Moms keep a close eye and quick hand nearby while their children play at the park. Why?  Because they don't want their children to drift, run away or get lost. 

Do you protect your husband like that? Do you stay close to him to make sure he doesn't drift? Or do you often let go of his hand?  Do you sometimes think or feel that this life, this marriage, or this whole "love your husband with a gentle and quiet spirit" thing is impossible?  I have.  Many times.  And you know what happens when I get stuck in that mindset? I'm letting go of his hand. I'm allowing him to drift. I'm allowing him to get (or stay) lost. 

LOVE

Regardless of whether or not your husband is a believer, he is your husband.  Regardless of whether or not you like him right now, he is your husband.  And guess what, you're called to love him.  

The bible is God's love story for each of us. He pours out promises and love to each of us...even on our bad behavior days. Even on the days when we push Him away, lose faith in His promises and struggle with trusting His plan, He continues to love. And just to make things clear: we don't deserve His love, even on our best days. I am so grateful for His love. I am so grateful to know that despite mistakes, my bad choices, and my daily shortcomings, I can rely on His love. His hand is always reaching out for mine, I just have to grab for it and let Him lead...because He won't let me drift.

Do we do that for our husbands? We're supposed to...

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

Thanks for putting it out there, Jesus.  I mean, there's really no need for interpretation, right? He doesn't say, "love one another, unless he really makes you mad, then you don't have to." He doesn't say, "love one another, as I have loved you. Except the unconditional part, you don't have to do that." I wish he would've said that, but He didn't. In fact, his words of choice included command and must. Those are not words of polite suggestion. 

We are called to love like Jesus did. Now, I don't know about you, but I could cry with gratitude for the love God has shown to me because I know I am not deserving of it. And yet, He does. That love that moves my heart is the love he says I must share with others. And He doesn't limit the deserving group of receivers to those who treat us well or those who say only nice things to us. Why? Because if He did, then you and I wouldn't be recipients of His love, either. 

We are a very fortunate group of women; we understand the gift of God's love that is graced upon us each day. We recognize His love and we know that there is no greater gift than His grace. But our husband's don't know that, yet. They rely on us to show them God's love. They need us to show them God's grace. 

Imagine taking your husband gently by the hand, as you skip through grassy fields on a beautiful day with sunshine pouring onto the earth; the sun is casting a gorgeous glow on your skin and your every step is as though you're skipping on clouds...you're leading him towards God's love. You're smiling with joy and his curious eyes are watching you...he's wondering why you're so light on your feet, why your smile is effortless and why your eyes are shining. He's allowing you to lead him through these grassy fields because he knows you are leading him somewhere beautiful. 

Suddenly you step on a rock, it's painful and you have to stop. You're crying because it hurts and you don't want to keep going. You let go of his hand.  And because he doesn't know where he's going, he has to stop. You tell him to keep going, but he can't. He's lost and doesn't know how to get there.

Do you get up, grab a hold of his hand and continue to gently lead him? Or do you stop, focus on the pain, and allow him to wander?

Our husbands can't see God without us. We are the visual of God's love that our husbands look towards, even if they don't realize what they're looking at. Our love for them, the kind of love that God calls us to give, is evidence of God's love. Jesus said so! "By this all men will know that you are my disciples..." The unconditional love and grace that we show our husbands stands out to them, they know that when we are able to love them at their worst it's because there is something different about us. They know it's because God's love is in us. 

Loving your husband in the manner that God calls you to love is equivalent to holding his hand, gently guiding him, and keeping him from drifting. The more you show him love, the more you are showing him the true God. 

But it's impossible

I get it. It seems absolutely hopeless. If you're like me, there are days when it seems impossible to like my husband, let alone love him (there are days when I know my husband feels the same towards me). 

I've been there: "it's impossible. I can't do it. I don't have it in me to love like that." 

The good news:

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." - Matthew 17:20

There's a couple things I love about this: the first being, the size comparison. I love the way Jesus takes the smallest seed to represent our faith and the largest, immovable object to represent our obstacle. And yet He tells us that with that small seed we can move a mountain! The other thing I love about this is the confidence of the promise He delivers to us: "nothing will be impossible for you." So guess what. Those couple words we tell ourselves ("it's impossible") are simply not true. It's not impossible. NOTHING is impossible. As long as we have faith the size of a mustard seed. Have you ever seen a mustard seed? 

Yeah, it's so itty bitty. That. That is what Jesus says can moves the largest of large. All we need is that. I'm sure we can muster up some faith of that size. 

So, is it impossible? No. Will it be hard? Yes. Will it take time? Yes. Can it be done? Yes.

God only asks us to love our husbands in the same way He loves us. He doesn't ask us to change their hearts, that's His job. He only asks us to love them and lead them with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). 

You don't need to grab your husband's hand with the strength of a gorilla's grip and drag him towards God. 

You need only be an otter. Hold his hand so he doesn't drift. Keep him close to God's love by keeping him close to you. 

Love one an'otter... 

Xoxo

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Mommy said *that* word

Omgsh. I did it. It happened. Shock and horror were in the eyes of my children. In slow motion I saw their eyes widen and jaws drop as soon as my own mouth closed. I let it happen. In all the years of motherhood and my Christian living, I've never been so mortified. I dropped the bomb. Yep. The repulsive "F" bomb. Loudly. Clearly. And with purpose.

Ok. Let me back up. My charming husband convinced me that buying a rat, yes a rat, would be a great addition to our family. Immediately I said no, but his begging was too cute to resist. He had a positive experience with a pet rat (still grosses me out to say 'pet rat,' no offense towards current rat owners), and he wanted the kids to experience the same. And, to his defense and to the defense of all pet rat owners, everyone who has ever owned one has shared with me that they are, in fact, fun pets to own (I'm still doing research, though). 

So off to the pet store we went, and if you could've seen my husband's grin as he sat in the passenger seat holding the box containing our new pet, you also would've thought this wasn't such a bad idea. He was so excited to surprise the kids when they got home from school, it was pretty cute.

The kids came home to their surprise, immediately fell in love and named the rodent, I mean, family pet, Ellie. My daughter even drew a pretty little name tag to place onto its cage. I spent the next couple hours staring at the cage in my son's room while Googling information about this new pet. Every website I went to was raving about these "clean, smart and lovable" pets, as well as the ease of training these critters. All the videos I watched made me smile as rats did tricks and snuggled onto the laps their owners. I was starting to warm up to this faux Minnie Mouse.

So I started bringing her treats like oats and grapes I'd cut up for her small little mouth. I was going into my son's room several times a day so she would get used to our interaction. I was going to make friends with this thing. And on day 4 of ownership, that all changed.

I went to her cage after waking up my son for school and I saw that she was sitting on top of her cute pink igloo house watching me as I moved. So I said good morning to her in my sweet "I kinda like you" voice and opened her cage to offer her some oats...from my hand. Because, ya know, at this point of me bringing her sweets and talking to her everyday, we should be best friends by now. All of a sudden, she leapt from the top of that stupid igloo shelter, took a hold of my thumb and wouldn't release it until I flicked my wrist and she flung off my finger. Screaming as she did this, my son rushes to my aid, my daughter races into his room to see what happened, and as I slammed the door of the cage, with tears in my eyes and blood starting to pour out of my thumb, I yelled (not simply said, but yelled) a lovely "F you" to the rat. Not a figurative or metaphoric "F you," the actual words flew off my tongue. 

I turned around to head towards my bathroom to wash off the now dripping blood from my hands, and that was when I noticed the wide eyes and open mouths of my kids as they tried to process what they just heard from their mother's mouth. I ran straight to my bathroom, in tears, and hollered for my daughter to bring a bandaid to me. I'm sure out of fear of their now seemingly demonic mother, they were willing to do anything I asked at that moment.

Has something like that ever happened to you? You've either said something or done something that was not only completely out of character, but also completely wrong from what you've been teaching your kids?  Please tell me I'm not the only one!

So what do you do when that happens?

Own up to it

Yep. I'm a grown woman. I own a house. I have a job. I'm in my mid 30's and I have two kids and a husband. And the thing I needed to do was humble out and apologize to my kids. I needed to apologize to my 11 year old and my 9 year old. It doesn't matter that I'm a grown up. It doesn't matter that I'm years ahead of them in life experience. It doesn't matter. They witnessed me doing something that I tell them is wrong and I needed to own up to it.

I asked them to come into my room and I apologized for what I said. And I didn't make excuses for it. I didn't justify it. Why? Because it was unacceptable. It was totally inappropriate, no matter how angry or hurt I was. I think they were still in shock because they didn't say much other than to nod their head in acknowledgment of my apology. But later that evening, my son approached me and said, "mama, thank you for saying you're sorry, I forgive you." Ahhhh, sweet forgiveness!

I'm guilty of this in more areas than a one-time foul mouthed exclamation. And I'm not always so quick to recognize it and then apologize for it. My husband has witnessed some pretty nasty behavior from me that didn't involve R rated language. He has seen fits of rage, attitude, disrespect, loss of self control, jealousy, selfishness, envy, and the like. And I have justified every behavior. "Well, it's because you did this," or "if you wouldn't have done that," or "I've had a rough day," or "you wouldn't understand what I'm going through." Society tells us, especially women, that we not only can, but should be doing just that! Society tells us that we don't need to apologize for our behavior. In fact, society calls it strength if you do exactly that: justify your behavior.  

This is what society would've done with my rat situation: 

"You tell that rat! It shouldn't have done that to you! It hurt you! Hurt it back! You don't deserve that! Don't feel bad! Let that rodent have it and don't back down!"

Now, let's replace that with husband, frenemy, neighbor, boss, coworker, teacher, family member:

"You tell him! He shouldn't have done that to you! He hurt you! Get him back! You don't deserve that! Don't feel bad! Let him have it and don't back down!"

How many times have you been told that? How many times have you told yourself that? Take your time thinking about it...I'll be over here counting the times I've heard it and said it to myself. 

With the rat situation it was easy for me to see my sin, well, it was easy for me to hear it. I knew it before I even finished saying it. I knew I needed to own up to it and correct it. But the other times, my pride blocks my vision. I can't see my selfishness, my jealousy, my disrespect or my fits of rage (ok, sometimes I can see that one) because my pride acts as a blinder. 

Without stating the obvious, why was it so easy for me to acknowledge my sin with that rat? Because it was my kids. I was pretty confident I would get their forgiveness. It was easy for me to humble out because my sin wasn't directed towards them. They're children, they love me, it's safe for me to be humble.

But my husband? My boss? My neighbor? My family member? My coworker? I'm not promised their forgiveness. I'm not promised their understanding. I'm not promised the safety zone for my vulnerability. So what do I do instead? I let my pride continue to hide it and sometimes even continue to build on it.

No matter what the situation, own it. You may not always get the forgiveness you are hoping to receive (I've been down that path, also. That's another story for another blog entry), but you need to own up to your sin...because ultimately, it was your choice. I could've chosen to say something different to that rat. I could've chosen to just grumble and not use any words. Instead, well, you know what I did. 

We will never be perfect. We're not supposed to be perfect. But we are definitely expected to aim for it. 

We have people all around us who are watching us, observing us and seeing if we are "true Christians." What would've happened had I ignored my potty mouth (yes, potty mouth)? What would they have thought had I not acknowledged and apologized for my sin? They may not know what the word hypocrite means according to Merriam-Webster, but they would've known that mommy just did something she tells them not to do. And she didn't care that she did it. Hmmm....not exactly what I want them to observe as I walk with God.

I want my children, and my husband, and my coworkers, and my neighbors, and my boss, and everyone around me to see that I will make mistakes. I will stumble and fall. 

But I will own up to it. I will acknowledge it. I will ask forgiveness. I will repent.

Oh what a lesson for me to learn so early in the morning. 

My husband took that rodent back to the pet store...only to bring home two different ones. Yes. Two new ones. He and the kids named them Lucy and Ethel. I'm going to give it another try. Pray for my quick tongue because the last thing I want is God saying, "Jenn, you got some 'splainin to do..."

Xoxo

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I don't want to go!

It happened. My energetic, spirited 9 year old son who has loved and acknowledged God for more than half of his life said it: "I don't want to go to church." He followed that up with "why do we have to go?" And then the kicker: "Daddy doesn't go."

This isn't the first time I've heard this; my daughter expressed these same thoughts a couple of years ago (thankfully, we got past that!).  But this was different. And the reason this was different was because my son has always had an appreciation for God. He's the one who reminds me that we need to pray at night when he goes to bed ("don't forget we need to pray, mommy!"), he's the one who has always said, "I love you, mom, but not as much as I love God." And he's the one who has said, "nobody is stronger than Daddy, except God."  So, hearing his little voice say, "I don't want to go to church," hurt my heart in many ways. 

So what do I do? Do I get mad at him for telling me what he's thinking? Do I angrily force him to get ready for church? Do I verbally blame his father for the way my son is thinking? Nope. None of the above...despite the fact that I kinda want to do all those things because I'm hurt.

Several years ago, my cousin and I shared a conversation and I can only recall part of that talk. Yes, only part of it. And, seeing as it was so long ago, I feel lucky that I remember even that much. It was around the time my daughter was 5 or 6 years old and she made the same comment to me: "I don't want to go to church." The truth is, all kids will voice this at one point in time.  If we're being honest, there are days when I feel the same exact sentiment. There are plenty of Sunday mornings or Tuesday evenings when my exact thought is: "I don't want to go to church."  But that's when I remember what my cousin said to me; it was something that her mother used to say to her when she didn't want to go to church as a child. 

"That's fine, you don't have to go. But let's pray, and if you can tell God that you're too busy for Him and that you have better things to do than to go to church and worship Him, then you can stay home."

Whoa. Who wants to say that to God? Certainly not me. 

So when my son came crawling out from under his bed (he had been hoping I wouldn't notice he was missing and would leave for church without him), he stood in the center of his room and with a whiny voice equivalent to the sound of nails on a chalkboard, he said, "I don't want to go to church! Why do we even have to go? Daddy doesn't go..."

So I stood in the doorway to his room, and recited:

"That's fine, you don't have to go. But let's pray, and if you can tell God that you're too busy for Him and that you have better things to do than to go to church and worship Him, then you can stay home."

And then I walked away. I went to my room, partially to calm my thoughts and tame my naturally wicked tongue, and partially to allow him to weigh his options.  I waited just a moment or two and the headed back to his room, where I found him getting dressed.  I asked him if he was ready to pray together. He looked at me and said, "we can pray, but I'm going to church."

On the way home from church, from the back seat of my car I heard his voice, which was no longer whiny, say to me, "mama, I'm sorry I didn't obey you this morning." I didn't make a big deal about it, I simply said, "I forgive you." And I let it go.  He didn't need my repetitive words or reasons why we need to be in church. He already knew. Because you know what happens on those days when we don't want to go to church?  When we push through those temporary feelings and make our way to church, we leave there realizing that church was exactly what we needed for our attitudes. 

Granted, he's only 9 years old. He was probably so happy to see his friends and his Sunday school teachers and that wiped away his bad attitude. This was a battle that I won with my son this morning, but I know there is war ahead. This train of thought may not work when he's 13, 17 or 21 years old. But it did let me know that he stopped to think about having to admit such thoughts to God...and he didn't have it in his heart to do so.

But there is something to be said to all of us in the interaction that morning with my son.

We all have those days. 

"I don't want to go to church,"

We look at the lives of those who don't go to church.

"They don't go to church and look at how well they're doing."

So why do I have to go to church?

Because I could never tell my Creator that I'm too busy for Him. I could never tell my God that I don't have time to worship Him.  There is no way I could ever approach His throne and tell Him that I have better plans.  Not my God. Not my Savior. Not the one who sacrificed all for me and He asks so little in return. 

Look at David and his yearning to praise and worship God:

"You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water. ...Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you." Psalm 63:1-5

There are definitely days when I feel like David, when my heart is bursting with excitement, joy and gratitude. Thankfully, those days are more often than not.  But on those "other" days, it can be hard to gather excitement around the thought of worship.

So on those days when you just don't want to do it, do what I do.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself:

"That's fine, you don't have to go. But let's pray, and if you can tell God that you're too busy for Him and that you have better things to do than to go to church and worship Him, then you can stay home."

You'll be surprised to find that the words never come. 

Xoxo

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Keep calm!! It's only Christmas!

Whoa. Christmas is only a couple days away. How did this happen?? Raise your hand if you're mentally still in the month of November (both of my hands are raised)!

There's much to balance during this time of year, right? Family, baking, shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating, baking, baking, baking.... And we all do it with a smile on our face, joy in our hearts and a gleam in our eyes! Yeah right. More like a frustrated frown, a Grinch-like heart and tears in our eyes. Well, maybe that's just me. 

The Christmas season is the perfect opportunity for me to glorify God and His son. I have reason to talk about God, talk about the birth of His son, and the miracle that our Savior is to all of us. I'm allowed to put up nativity scenes without question or persecution, I'm allowed to sing songs praising His birth, I'm allowed to shout it from the rooftops because that is acceptable at this time of year. Want  to know what I'm doing instead? Stressing out about the gifts I have to buy, how many strands of lights are on the tree, where am I going to put up my new Christmas village, how am I supposed to wrap all these gifts by myself, don't eat all the cookies because then it means I just have to make more, etc, etc... Nowhere in there am I doing what I have the opportunity to be doing: talking about God. In fact, my moodiness and Grinch-like heart has done everything but glorify Him. What happened to my joy? Why am I wasting this perfect opportunity?

Because I'm human. I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm an employee. I'm a friend. I'm a daughter. I'm a sister. I'm teaching in the kids' ministry at church. I'm just downright busy. How about you? 

As a Christian woman, we have the beautiful opportunity to talk about God during this time of year because it's acceptable by others. The audience of those who won't listen grows smaller, while the audience of those who will listen grows larger. We hear songs on the radio that praise the birth of our savior and it's not considered offensive or inappropriate. We can send Christmas cards to friends and family boasting our love of God and gratitude for His son. It's everywhere, ladies! This is our golden opportunity!

Well, allow me to share about my missed opportunities:

Each year, our family group at church gets together for a fun Christmas party and white elephant gift exchange and it is so much fun! Well, this year, I was asked if we wouldn't mind hosting the party in our home. I was nervous to ask my husband because, ya know, these are "church people" I want to have in our home. For several hours. And there is no escape. So I mustered up the courage and I asked him, "babe, a couple of the girls asked if we could have our family group Christmas party at our house..."

He waited only a couple seconds to answer, but it felt like a couple of minutes. He said, "am I off?" He's a firefighter and his schedule is forever rotating, so I told him that yes, he was scheduled to be off that day. And then, without hesitation, he gave me permission to host the party at our home! I was so excited! He began feverishly putting up more Christmas lights outside, he bought a huge 10ft Christmas tree to place in the middle of our living room, he cleared out furniture to make room for seating, he let me have a cleaning crew come in to help me clean and prepare for the party - this guy was rolling out the red carpet for my church family. The evening of the party arrived quickly and we had a total blast - nearly 70 people in our home, tons of chatter and laughter, it was amazing. Once everything was over, my husband was telling me about a couple of the guys he was able to hang with and whose company he enjoyed during the party. I was taking mental notes and sent those women text messages the next day, practically begging them to schedule a dinner or a double date with us soon. Strike while the iron is hot, right?

The next week was the children's program at church, in which both of our children had singing solos. My husband had to work the day before, meaning he doesn't come home until the next morning. He told me that he would try to come to the church performance, but may have to come straight to church from work, so I ironed some clothes for him, packed his nice dress shoes, even made sure to bring along dress socks - can't forget those! And then he surprised me by showing up, not in the clothes I brought for him, but in clothes he went home to change into before coming to church! He raced home to change, for us. I didn't know he was there until I saw both of my kids light up with the biggest smiles and, from on stage, they waved and yelled, "Daddy!" Hearts and butterflies filled the air!

Man, I had two amazing experiences to really let God shine...and instead I let my enemy get a foothold on me. Oh, don't get me wrong. I was elated about hosting our party, and even more so about having him at church, and I made sure to encourage him in both instances. But you know what outweighed my encouragement those two times? My daily living. 

I let all the other stresses outweigh this joyous holiday season...and that is what my husband sees. What does your husband see? Has he been more open to listening to you talk about church or God during this time of year? How are you using this opportunity? 

My husband said to me one afternoon while I was snapping at everyone, "I thought you called yourself a Christian?" Ouch. Dagger to the heart. Deep cut. Definitely bleeding to death. Call 911, I'm in spiritually dying. My husband, the "non-believer," called me a faux Christian...why? Because even he recognized my ungodly behavior. Those two experiences with my church and church family were completely erased. Gone. As though it never happened. All because of my daily living. See, what I tend to do is rely on church and my church family to help impact my husband's heart - and they do! They greatly impact my husband's heart. But not as much as my daily living impacts my husband. To him, I was almost phony during the party and at church, because when I was in the privacy of my own home, without observers, I was moody, I was snippy, I was anything but joyful, gracious or happy. 

Spiritually single women, and women married to Godly men alike, what do our husband's see? Are we different at church than we are at home? Is our behavior consistent no matter where we are? Do we let the "stress" of the holiday season bury the Christian women we claim to be? 

Whether he ever says it or not, he is watching you. He is observing you. Not in a creeper kind of way, but in a "is she for real or is she fake" kind of way. Our husbands are not church goers (yet) because they are skeptical and we, their wives, are the windows into the church and into God's love. So, what exactly are they seeing?

Like I mentioned before, we have only a couple of days left until Christmas. The chance to really let the love of God shine all around us. Does that mean go overboard and shout "hallelujah" at the end of every sentence? No...even I would think you're kind of weird if you did that. "Baby, that tree is so beautiful. Hallelujah!!" And I certainly don't mean to shove Jesus down his throat with every word that leaves your mouth. "Aww, this table setting is perfect for a king. A king like Jesus." 

So what do I mean? I mean living out your convictions and keeping your attitude consistent with your beliefs. That saying "practice what you preach" has great truth behind it... The holiday season allows us the chance to openly celebrate and talk about our amazing Savior; it can also allow us the chance to squash our Godly wife behavior (omgsh that totally rhymed). This is a very busy time of year, of course. But don't lose sight of the fact that we ARE celebrating an incredible King and our husbands want to celebrate with us. 

Be the light. Be the joy. Be the example of gratitude for the birth of our King. All the gifts, all the lights, all the food will be gone...but the light you leave behind has the chance to glow long afterwards. 

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Merry CHRISTmas!!!!

Xoxo

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Lesson learned (or learning)

For a while I joked with one of my best friends that I wasn't going to write as often because each time I would write a post about something, I was immediately tested in that area. I told my girlfriend, "that's it, I'm not writing anymore because every time God is like, 'ok girl, you talk the talk, let's see you walk the walk.'" Yeah, sounds a little comical now, but when you know that impending test is coming, it's not so funny. Kinda like when we pray for God to give us patience. I don't know about you, but I just want God to clothe me in patience...not give me situations to test and try my patience. But, like the Father He is, He is allowing us the tests and trials to build our character. 

I often like to think of trials like this: a teacher doesn't just give you an "A" in the class. You have to study, work, put in the time, and are ultimately tested on your knowledge. If you were just given the "A," what good would it do? You would have no knowledge of the subject nor would you be able to help someone who may look to you for guidance in that subject area. Now, in some cases, like my statistics class in college, sometimes even going through the trials and testing gave me a grade high enough to pass the class, but I still have no clue what the heck I was taught. If someone stuck a statistics problem in front of me right now, I would laugh and shove it aside. I have no clue where to even begin. I would have to go through it all over again....because I didn't learn from the lessons taught. My teacher appreciated my hard work and he knew I wasn't a flake in his class, so when my final grade percentage was two percent shy of a passing grade, he mercifully bumped my percentage up and I passed the class and never have to take a math class again. Can I get an amen?!

Well, much like math, I'm not always the best student when God is trying to teach me something. I try to skate by, skirt around the edges, and hide from the truth. It never works. I'm pretty sure God looks at me and says, "how many times do we have to do this?" That's my guess because it's the same thing I say to my children, "when will you listen to me?" Lessons are hard to learn. Lessons that test your character are especially hard to learn. 

Tonight was one of those nights, which followed another one of these nights yesterday. My husband and I have just been butting heads like two rams on a mountain side. Almost everything one does or says, the other thinks is wrong. And over silly things like when is the best time to carve our pumpkins for Halloween; how many pots of chili do we need to make; we don't have enough chairs to seat everyone; is it that hard to load the dishwasher; how do you forget to put the potatoes in the crockpot with the roast, etc, etc, etc. Just one (or two) of those nights. 

You know what's funny about it? Just today I was telling a girlfriend of mine at work about how she needs to be the one to break the cycle in her marriage. She and her husband are not in the best place, and she came to me for advice. I told her that she has to be the one to make the move towards improving her marriage. She kept saying, "but I don't want to, it's one sided if I do that, he needs to learn and understand. Why should I always have to be the one to change things?"  Ooh and let me tell you, I was full of answers, including: "It's not one-sided, it's breaking the cycle." Once those words left my mouth, I knew I was in for a good test. Because the night before, I knew that this was the answer to the problem in my home, but I skipped that question on the test and plowed through the night like a bull running through the streets of Madrid. 

Let me give you a helpful hint when you are going through one of the many tests of faith you will encounter: the two H's. Humility and humble. I know what you're thinking, "aren't those just two different ways of saying the same thing?" Yes. And out of the entire English language, these are probably the two most difficult words to add to our own vocabulary.

For the last two nights, I've been anything but humble. I've displayed everything but humility. I've sat back and waited for my husband to realize his wrongs and come to me begging for forgiveness. In the meantime, my irritation has grown, multiplied and become something my pride will not allow me to surrender. I'm ugly right now. And I most definitely am not acting as a godly wife. This is where God is trying to teach me a lesson on the two H's. He knows this is equivalent to math for me - I just don't get it. And He insists on repeating the lesson until it clicks. 

Let's look at the perfect example of the two H's: Jesus. If there was ever a man to walk this earth who deserved to be treat like a king, of course it was our Lord. But the entirety of his life, from birth to death, was filed with humility. He could've demanded everyone's respect, he could've called on angels from high, he could've sat comfortably and been served. But instead, he served. The king of kings served. And he served with a humble heart. He said, "...just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:28

I don't know about you, but nothing humbles me faster than to see that my Lord, the King of Kings, considers himself a servant. Who am I to think I should be sitting around waiting for my husband to come crawling to me, begging for forgiveness and kiss my ring like a queen who sits on a throne?

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:3-5

Do you remember cliff notes, a study guide, when studying or reading a book for a class? It was a helpful summarization aimed to help you better understand a difficult reading. Well, this bit of scripture acts as my cliff notes during times of testing. It's highlighted and underlined in my bible, and my handwriting covers the borders with words like, "imitate Jesus. Put others before me. Ultimate humility." It's my go-to. It's my "check yourself, Jenn, where is your attitude?" And it's God's repeated lesson for me.

We are forever learning. Even Jesus was learning throughout the days of his life here on earth. Each day he was faced with something that would test his faith. He was not immune to God's lessons, he was a student like you and me. He battled through temptations (I would've given in on the first day out in the desert), he battled through the loss of friends and betrayal, he battled fears and sorrow...he was human. And he was the perfect example of the kind of student we need to be. He went through every trial, every test of faith, relying only on God and His promises.

What kind of student are you? Throughout life we are going to be tested. It shapes our character. It helps us grow and mature as Christians. Do you trust the lessons God allows into your life? And don't forget, God is very much a "practice what you preach" kind of teacher. Do you only talk the talk or do you also walk the walk? Our Father is not a mean God who likes to see if you'll sink or swim...He is the perfect Father who wants to see you rise above. Remember what Jesus tells us, "for whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." Mathew 23:12

Now, if you'll excuse, I have a man downstairs I need to apologize to. 

Xoxo

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